


Hochstetter's Inquiries

by LEWigman



Category: Hogan's Heroes
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 15:04:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17900381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LEWigman/pseuds/LEWigman
Summary: A couple of snapshots of Major Hochstetter's interrogations.





	1. The Merry Month of May

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Hogan's Heroes.

Hochstetter leaned closer to the exasperating American. He could feel his vein bulging out of his forehead. His doctors had cautioned him about lowering his stress level. But how could one do that with Papa Bear on the loose and terrorizing the countryside?! No, Hogan would be made to talk.

"Tell me about the meeting," he demanded for what felt like the hundredth time this morning.

Hogan sighed, though the cocky smug look in his eyes never left. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Major," he said. "What meeting?"

He growled and leaned even closer until he was a few inches from Hogan's face. On sudden impulse, he removed his luger from its holster and set it on the metal table. He breathed in and out and in and out. He had to keep his temper in control for the minute he lost it was the moment Hogan won. "You will tell me everything about the meeting," he said, forcing the words out in a normal voice. "Or I will take you into the street and shoot you myself!"

Hogan seemed to consider this and Hochstetter could practically see the wheels turning like the gears of a clock. "You know," he said thoughtfully. "I think you mean that. I'll tell you everything."

Aha! Triumph at last, he thought. A satisfied smile played at the corners of his mouth while the prisoner continued.

"I was strolling through the park one day."

"Park? The one in Hammelburg?" He asked, jotting down notes on his pad of paper.

"Indeed," Hogan said. "Hmm, when was it? Ah, yes - it was the merry month of May. And..."

Hochstetter looked up eagerly. "Ja, ja, go on."

Hogan looked at his hands, rather embarrassed. "I was - well, I was taken by surprise by a pair of roguish eyes and in a moment my poor heart was stole away."

Hochstetter froze as the words he was scrawling on the pad registered in his mind. He looked up at Hogan's completely serious face, but the hint of laughter in his eyes sent the Major over the edge. "BAH!" he screamed, tossing the pad into the air and stomping out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Hogan picked up the luger by the barrel and went to the door, giving it a couple of quick raps. The door opened and Schultz gave him a alarmed look when he held out the gun.

"Make sure Major Hochstetter gets this back before we go back to camp."


	2. I Remember Once...

He rubbed his temples gently at first, but as the kinder kept talking, he rubbed harder. He'd tried in vain to interrupt fifteen minutes ago. It seemed that every thing he said set off a new, long-winded topic. None of these topics involved the wanton sabotage of the ball bearing plant which killed twenty men - two of whom were his Gestapo agents.

He picked up the pencil and tapped it against his other hand. When the chatter lulled, at least long enough for a deep breath, he seized the opportunity. "I believe that you were not in Camp Thirteen last night, Sergeant Carter," he said.

"I wasn't?"

He shook his head, "No, Sergeant, you were not."

"Well, where was I then?"

"Schweinfurt," Hochstetter hollered. "You were in Schweinfurt blowing up the ball bearing factory!"

Carter looked at his gloves while chewing on his lower lip, his face screwed up in thought. "No, sir. I'm sure I was in Camp Thirteen. The Commandant doesn't allow day trips, let alone night trips. And even if he did - which he doesn't - I don't think the Colonel would be too pleased. I remember once, right after we moved to Muncie, - I was about sixteen… or maybe fifteen? - my dad (did I tell you that he worked in the highway department? That's why we moved, you know.) anyway, we were doing a road trip back to Bullfrog with my ma and baby sister. Grandpa Carter wasn't feeling too good. We thought it might be a heart attack(it was, but it wasn't a bad one). My sister and I talked non-stop - she was just learning to talk, so Ma said that I should talk to her as much as possible - and Dad drove the whole way out and back without saying a word. Ma says it was worry for Grandpa, but I think he was a little angry, too…"

Hochstetter's eyes glazed over as Carter continued to talk. He couldn't have done it, he thought, feeling a little bit desperate. He couldn't stop talking even if he tried. However Hogan does it, it's not with Sergeant Carter!

He stood without a word and left the room, Carter's voice drifting after him. He'd swear the non-stop voice was following him. He passed Schultz on his way to his office. The Sergeant of the Guard attempted to speak with him, but Hochstetter didn't dare listen. He was quite done with listening for the day.

He reached his office, locked the door and poured the stiffest drink possible. It would take a few hours to recover from that interrogation.

Perhaps afterward, I shall try again?

He shuddered at the thought, downed another belt and refilled his glass. No. He was done for the day.

**Author's Note:**

> AN: The lyrics are from 'The Fountain at the Park', a song by Ed Haley, published in 1884 by Willis Woodward & Co. of New York - Now in the Public Domain.


End file.
